I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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