I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
