the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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