i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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