I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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