So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
