i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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