I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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