i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
