I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
