Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
