I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
