I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i need some magic done to my vagina
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
