i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
