peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
