Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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