This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
