could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
