check it out our google latitudes are spooning
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
