He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
