The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
