So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
