I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
