He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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