epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
