I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
