I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
