I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She bit a glass in half.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
