My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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