walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
