I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
