If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
