u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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