On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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