Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
