David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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