I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
