So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
