i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
