My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
