I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So many bounce houses so little time
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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