Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
