i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
