life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
