All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
