halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
