Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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