so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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