I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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