I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
