No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
