I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
