I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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