this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
