Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
