if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
