dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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