And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
